For
my generation in Zimbabwe we grew up learning that men do not talk about their
feelings; men don’t cry. Whatever happened away from home especially whilst
herding cattle stayed there. My parents come from neighboring villages in
Murewa. On my mother’s side I would be in the company of my older cousin mukoma
Rememberance Mukarakate and on my father’s side it was my uncle who is now late
Babamunini Masimba Tsiga. These men saved me from a lot of bullying in the 80s
whilst herding cattle.
It was around 2006-2007 when I had
gone to Mater Dei hospital when I saw what the doctor who had been treating was
writing down; Anxiety Attack. The first time I had an anxiety attack was in
1986 in class at Amaveni Primary School in Kwekwe. I had been seated playing with
my pen, the next moment I had swallowed the ink. Teachers must have told us
that ink was poisonous. I had a panic attack and let out a secret that no one
should have known.
I had a crashπ on Moleen whom I always competed
with for the top spot as well as Martha Phiri who was always very lively in
class. I stood up and shouted, “ndakufa ndichisiya mukadzi wangu Moleen na
Martha”(I am dying leaving my wives Moleen and Martha). The teacher then called
my mum and suggested to my mum that it must be evil spirits(chivanhu) so they
must take me to a witch doctor. My mum then answered her nah she did not
believe in that stuff and if I ever did that again I must get a beating. My mum
somehow believed that any mischief could be solved by a thorough beating. We never
spoke about that incident at home.
A few weeks later Moleen came to ask
me, I just jumped from the verandah and ran away. After we finished high
school, I met Martha in 1995 and we laughed about it. I then had another
anxiety attack in 2002, I then discovered that every time I was on antibiotics
it could trigger an anxiety attack. I have come to know the triggers and how to
cope with it and remain calm. I almost had a panic attack at work around 2010,
I went outside the office I was sweating and feeling very nervous. I then
called Viksha and she came to sit with me until I felt better.
It’s important for a person to seek
help and talk to someone about your problems and also seek professional help. I
found this Ted talk video from Mel Robbins helpful in managing anxiety https://www.ted.com/talks/mel_robbins_how_to_stop_screwing_yourself_over/up-next?language=en.
Please don’t suffer in silence.
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